Life has been busy and hectic this month; I have loved it. This time of year for me is always like this, over and over, I wish for it every January and miss it every August. The juxtaposition of this time of year and its happenings never fail to amuse me. Outside, a storm is whirling. It’s fucking July. In a few days, I’ll be in the heatwave of Greece, reading and eating my weight. Summer has brought work to me that the second quarter of the year didn’t. I think how things would be different if England had won the other night at the Euro’s, or if the gunman had succeeded by shooting Trump. My life wouldn’t change, I’d feel a bit better, sure, but that’s about it. I think about the women scared at home as the percent of abuse those nights rise, how Trump may actually, terrifyingly, win. Again. How I was watching a true crime series and that same day, a similar story had happened somewhere in the UK, we were just watching it in real time.
In a few days, I turn twenty two. I have survived many things from emotional abuse and trauma to being told I’m infertile at fourteen. How I’m happy and yet my medication the other week was doubled in dosage. How work is amazing, but the new dosage is making me sleep throughout the day. I like not knowing, sometimes, how my day will go. My OCD threatens me at the sound of this. What if you break, die, get hurt, fall apart, get betrayed? All other little cells inside me don’t care; they’re excited.
Summer is intense for me, and I thrive in it, but I’m not sure I love thriving in intensity. Is it this intense for anyone else? Or is it because this is when I was born, that I often feel this time of year could stay still and I'd always feel I belong? I’m sick of one thing one second, loving it the next and vice versa. I want to help people and socialise until I'm ready to be scooped into bed by the warmth of my duvet, yes, even in this heat. I’ve been going back and forth a lot, in my own head mostly. So this is your sign; if you go back and forth a lot, if you find yourself contradicting and feeling many things at once, it is okay to not feel one thing and not know whether to go just back or just go forth. You are not a messy woman, you are just a woman (or whatever you identify as).
I will be drinking iced coffee at the beach, reading and trying to avoid heat stroke in Greece with seven other members of my family and my boyfriend. They’re already driving me nuts and we haven’t even left yet. I am not a messy woman for looking forward to tiptoeing on the edge of arguments and love everyday in a house of nine people I love the most. I am human, and so are you.
Sexuality with Erin
I went to a bookish event two weeks ago where I met some amazing women (shoutout to Chapters & Pages AKA Mia and London Girls Book Club AKA Caitlin for holding this fabulous event!) The topic of women’s health came up, which brought back thoughts perfect for this week’s piece.
Did you know that more than 4 in 5 (84%) of women in the UK have felt at times that healthcare professionals are not listening to them?
I’ve experienced heavy periods from a young age, something I simply accepted. Up until a few years ago, I didn’t even consider it abnormal; it’s common in my circles. I constantly undergo blood tests to check my iron levels, and surprise, surprise, I am almost always anaemic, regardless of the iron tablets I take. The follow-up appointment always goes the same way: the nurse confirms my iron deficiency. She then asks if I have heavy periods, to which I agree. She then asks me if I’ve considered going on the pill. Internally, I scream.
While I understand why some women choose the pill, it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in. Plus, I’m a hypochondriac and I’d rather not be on medication that I’d constantly be worrying about.
Every medical professional I speak to about my heavy periods always wants to medicate me to control the issue, but none seem interested in finding the root cause. Why are we expected to go on a pill that could disrupt our hormones and cause blood clots, and then go about our lives? It’s draining because it feels like I have only two options: suffer on the pill or suffer without it.
After hearing similar stories from other women at the event, I realised that their experiences mirrored mine. I researched endometriosis on my journey home, and I discovered a strong link between endometriosis and IBS-related issues. Despite years of struggling with IBS and undergoing numerous tests, doctors have never identified the cause of my symptoms. It was startling to learn that many women were misdiagnosed with IBS when they actually had endometriosis, or that endometriosis triggered their IBS symptoms. It’s concerning that I’ve found more useful information through a simple Google search than I have from my own doctors.
I’m not certain if I have endometriosis, but it’s troubling that despite experiencing these symptoms for years, this possibility has never been explored. Too often, myself and other women have felt dismissed. However, I’m determined to advocate for myself in my next appointment (and probably cry on the way home). Hopefully, this time, something will finally change after all these years!
Food with Bella
Childhood nostalgia in food
As I write this, I am eating jelly. A snack I don’t often buy for myself now that I am nearly twenty-one years of age. I did buy it for the purpose of inspiring me whilst writing this, as all childhood favorite foods bring back memories of simpler times. Jelly and ice cream was a big deal as a kid. Us early 2000’s babies devoured the stuff at bouncy castle birthday parties, or Jacqueline Wilson themed sleepovers, never to eat it again.
There is something so wonderful about delving into your childhood self through food. I so vividly remember buying those three-for-a-pound bags of strawberry laces from my local corner shop after school, with the sugar rush high hitting me like a truck as I ran around the park. One time me and a friend bought and ate an entire Vientta ice cream log whilst sitting on a trampoline. We had to hide the box from our parents and pretend we had no idea what they were on about when we re-surfaced into the house, our faces covered in ice cream. I’d also like to give a special shout out to the now discontinued calipos that were made up of thousands of tiny balls of ice, they need to make a comeback asap. They were my favorite of all summer refreshments as a kid.
Food and memories are often closely interlinked, more so than you may think. Even now when I go to the shops I might treat myself to something I wasn't allowed as a child. For me this was milkshakes of any kind, and now I consider them a cheeky mid-week treat, as I am an adult and I can consume whatever I want. Even the foods you hate will bring back memories from the past and, good or bad, we cannot help but feed our inner child whatever they want. Food can take us back to simpler times, years where our biggest stress was what to wear for world book day.
But even traumatic experiences witnessed as a child can come back to haunt you through food. As a child I witnessed a rather traumatic event whilst eating ‘sunbaked sour cream and chive crisps’ and years later I cannot look at them, let alone bear the smell. Sensory experiences have the strength to bring memories to the forefronts of our minds. Eating is a multi-sensory experience, we eat with our mouths, eyes and our minds, and it is important to remember this. Memory triggers and emotional comforts within food are always important to reflect on, as this universal experience often isn’t discussed enough. Never force yourself to eat anything you don’t fancy, take control and don’t be afraid to say no.
Nostalgic foods are however, making a comeback in modern cuisine and pop culture. Whilst we may never see the likes of crystal pepsi again, items like marmite flavored crisps and jaffa cake minis have returned to shelves over the past few years. What childhood favorites will you be trying? Take good care of the child inside of you, and eat what you want. Life is too short not to.
Books with Eve
This is your sign to better balance your reading out | A review of “Evil Eye” by Etaf Rum.
If you’ve followed me for some time now, you’ve probably seen that I have a philosophy when it comes to reading: read for a balance of both escapism & education. Let me explain. Reading holds a profound dual significance in our lives, serving both as a gateway to escapism and a cornerstone of education. On one hand, it provides a refuge from the mundanity and challenges of everyday existence, allowing us to momentarily step into alternate realities that offer respite from our own. On the other hand, the act of reading is not just a leisurely escape but a vital exercise in lifelong learning and personal growth. With the ongoing tragedy in and beyond Gaza, ensuring that the “education” side of our reading is balanced is imperative now more than ever. So now, I’d like to offer up a recommendation to help you better balance out your own books’ scales of education & escapism: “Evil Eye” by Etaf Rum.
Etaf Rum’s “Evil Eye” is a poignant and layered narrative in which Rum explores the intricacies of Palestinian-American life, presenting a story that is both deeply personal yet universally relatable.
The novel centers Yara, a young woman navigating the complex terrain of her dual identity. Torn between her Palestinian heritage and the American culture she inhabits, Yara’s journey is fraught with tension and self-discovery. Rum’s portrayal of Yara captures the internal conflicts that arise from trying to honor one’s roots while also seeking personal freedom: her ability to convey the weight of cultural expectations without resorting to melodrama is particularly noteworthy. Instead, she uses subtlety and restraint, allowing the power of the story to unfold organically. This is not a tale of overt rebellion but rather a quiet, persistent struggle for self-definition.
The concept of the “Evil Eye” serves as a powerful metaphor throughout the novel. It represents not only the literal superstitions that pervade Yara’s community but also the figurative scrutiny she faces as she attempts to carve out her own path. The pressure to conform, the fear of judgment, and the desire to break free from oppressive traditions are themes that resonate deeply in the story.
One of the novel’s strengths is its rich, authentic depiction of Palestinian culture. Rum does not shy away from presenting the complexities and contradictions inherent in any cultural tradition. Instead, she embraces them, offering a portrayal that is both critical and loving. This balanced approach ensures that “Evil Eye” is not just a story about one woman’s journey but also a broader commentary on the immigrant experience.
“Evil Eye” by Etaf Rum is not only a compelling exploration of identity, tradition, and the courage it takes to forge one’s own path, but also a perfect blend of escapism and education—an exemplary choice for a reading habit that I highly encourage you to deepen, if you haven’t already!
Music with Olivia
When I was fifteen years old, I found myself perusing through the shelves of a used record store in my town. I had just received my very first record player and was determined to compile a collection that would impress even the most pretentious of music lovers. While I left with nothing in hand, I was promised a large box full of my grandparents old records when I came for a visit, among those was Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours album. It was through this thrilling record that I came to truly know the living legend that is Stevie Nicks.
Born Stephanie Lynn Nicks in Phoenix, Arizona to Jess and Barbara Nicks, she always had an adoration for the magic of songwriting. Her adolescence was spent mostly on the road, due to her father’s job relocation. This led Stevie to resort to the world within her, more often than not, soundtracked by the records given to her by her grandfather. When she was sixteen she was given a guitar and wrote her first song, "I've Loved and I've Lost, and I'm Sad but Not Blue", which was only the beginning of what would become one of the greatest musical storytellers of our time.
When Stevie was a senior in high school, she met her future partner, Lindsey Buckingham, who she would briefly attend San Jose University alongside, but later the duo would depart from their studies to pursue a career amidst the music industry. In late 1974, Mick Fleetwood invited Lindsey to join his band, but he would refuse unless Stevie was also welcome, insisting that they were a package deal. The band agreed to his terms and the pair abandoned their career as a duet, joining what is now known as one of the most iconic bands of all time.
In 1975, the band would release its first album including Stevie and Lindsey, Fleetwood Mac. Songs on this album such as “Rhiannon” and “Landslide” catapulted the band into fame, and Stevie specifically, for her ethereal performances that captivated audiences everywhere. Although the commercial success of the band was undeniable, the relationships within were corroding, causing a great deal of strife. Amidst this animosity Stevie and Lindsey decided to end their relationship and the band would create one of the most notable albums of all time, Rumours. Stevie would go on to record five more albums with Fleetwood Mac, but would eventually part with the band to explore a career of her own.
Today, Stevie Nicks has recorded a total of seventeen albums and continues to inspire millions of individuals every single day. For nearly fifty years she has been giving audiences evenings full of magic that only she knows how to bring onstage. Ever since the day I first placed Rumours on my record player I have been infatuated with Stevie Nicks, going on to have many more Fleetwood Mac records in my collection that just keeps growing. If you’ve managed to never stumble across this enchanting individual, I envy the marvelous experience that you’ll have when you drop everything and go listen to Stevie Nicks now!
My top personal favourite songs (as of right now):
1. Gypsy
2. Landslide
3. Storms
4. Blue Denim
5. Leather and Lace
Movies with Jente
What if I told you you hold the power to finish a story someone else wrote for you? We are born and raised with someone else leading the way for us in the hopes of being able to walk on our own when the time comes. I often felt like my past would dictate my future. I try not to let my trauma be my guide but from time to time it takes over and steers me in the wrong direction. It pushes me into the passenger seat, sometimes even the trunk and I don’t see the road anymore. I’m twenty-two now and day by day I travel down the road at my pace, along the way I see fit.
In the 2017 film Brigsby Bear I saw this play out for the main character too. James Pope is a man well past his twenties but never saw his road in the first place. James was raised in a bunker ever since he was a baby, captured by a couple who pretended to be his parents. His entire world consisted of mom, dad and Brigsby Bear - a children’s television program he would watch every night before bed.
At the beginning of the film we see how James gets rescued and he quickly gets confronted with the fact that his favourite television show was created by his captor who up until this day he thought to be his father. An entire world opened up for James after being rescued, he doesn’t just see a road for the first time but trees, flowers, birds, dogs, cars, people. He has his hands on the steering wheel for the first time but didn’t get a road map or directions to follow, all he knows: Brigsby Bear.
The fictional show follows a bear named Brigsby (duh) who akin to Dora The Explorer teaches the viewer how to solve simple problems, without the Spanish part. But while loyal fans of Dora got a series finale, James never got one. His fascination with the show becomes his fuel and he goes on a mission to finish the story himself. With the support of his newly made friends Aubrey, Vogel and Spencer, the Brigsby Bear film starts production with a new casting choice for the titular character himself: James.
I found the plot to be very moving and profound, it handles traumatic experiences realistically and with humour - one of my many coping mechanisms. It shows that even with a detour you are able to reach your destination. At times it might feel like we’re running out of fuel but the world around us and the people in our lives all carry enough gasoline with them and if you’re lucky they’re willing to share it.
Brigsby Bear was written by Kevin Costello and Kyle Mooney, the latter also portraying the main character James in his first feature film role. Mooney has made a name for himself as a comedian but shows a compelling and relatable character with his portrayal of James. The film was inspired by the writers’ and director’s middle school experiences making short films together and their love clearly shows in the plotline of James and his band of misfits coming together to make the fictional Brigsby Bear film.
Mooney has stated that the story stems from his fascination with 1980s children’s shows and even though the shows I grew up with were very different than they were in the 80s, the film still managed to evoke a feeling of nostalgia within me, from the visuals of the Brigsby Bear TV show to the way his bunker bedroom looks, it’s a safe feeling at first but deteriorates into something more eerie. People with traumatic childhoods know this feeling, something that felt safe once can become the complete opposite when drenched in negative memories but we must never forget that there’s power in reclamation.
Tarot Reading with Hannah
July 22nd – August 4th
Reconnecting to your confidence.
The move into Leo season on July 23rd, we see an upswing in our creative abilities, in our confidence, and we’re asked to step up and be a leader in our lives. This is what the Queen of Wands brings.
The Queen of Wands is the life of the party. Someone who loves to build up their friends and support others, whilst also honouring their responsibilities, and ensuring their fire remains lit and cared for. With the Ten of Swords, we are being asked to put the nail in the coffin for what we want to leave behind, to channel our precious energy into what is most important to us. There may have been some sort of crisis or something ending – especially with the last reading focusing on how to free yourself from where you feel stuck – that could have caused you to feel less confident in yourself. With Leo season and the Queen of Wands, you’re being asked to refocus your attention on building up your confidence and making choices that align with your passions.
The Ten of Swords emphasises the ending of something that has been causing mental unrest, stress and unhappiness. These cards can also represent an emotional blockage coming to light, and with Leo season and the Queen of Wands, exploring your creative side might allow these blockages to find release. This time is asking you to pay attention to what makes you feel the best and to lean into that. To follow your heart, even if fears pop up. A focus here is on how to build your self-esteem and confidence, and to lean into what inspires you more.
On August 4th, we have the Leo New Moon, highlighting areas you feel sensitive to criticism, and where you have room for improvement. Whilst the Queen of Wands represents someone charismatic and confident, she is not brash, nor arrogant. It is important to remain open to criticism to see where it can encourage change or improvement for you – whether it’s from a friend, a boss, a teacher or a realisation within yourself. This time is also about reconnecting with your passions and your creative talents and energy, tapping into that which makes you feel impassioned, more alive, and free to express yourself. Leo rules over the 5th House in astrology, which represents romance, pleasure and self-expression, so we can expect new beginnings and themes around these areas to come up with the New Moon. This new moon could provide the insight needed to any emotional blockages present. Don’t be afraid of trying something new, perhaps seeing it as an opportunity for growth, and building your confidence higher.
Now, we are in Mercury retrograde shadow period, with Mercury retrograde starting on August 5th. You may have some communication mishaps, or technological issues during this time, so it’s important to back up any important files, and think a little more before you speak, or commit to a contract or anything binding. This Mercury retrograde is also in Leo, so there may also be more introspection around where you feel a lack of confidence, or what in your life does not spark passion and happiness, encouraging you to let go of such things.
Free Palestine
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Small Biz Highlight
Come to my first author event!
On August the 12th, London Girls Book Club is hosting my very first author event. Come chat, get your book signed and drink coffee with me!